Records of Psychological Treatment
1
Hello.
Hello, Bishop. I’m here to confess my sins. I’ve been feeling unhappy lately. I think I’ve mentally abused a girl.
Take your time, speak slowly, one step at a time. Are you saying you abused someone and now you feel unhappy because of it?
Yes, it’s complicated. I think my actions were wrong, but my actions were caused by her, so ultimately, it’s her fault.
You’re confusing me. Let’s start from the current situation. What is your relationship now, and how is it?
We’re friends, maybe… if she’s willing. We had a fight before, but we made up. She said it’s fine. But I’m not sure how she really feels, if she might change her mind. You know, women, they always change their minds.
Are you a couple? Were you a couple before?
No, she has a boyfriend. Mentioning this makes me sad.
So you’re saying, as ordinary friends, you fought, made up, but you’re not sure if she’s forgiven you? How does this relate to mental abuse? Why are you sad?
You have too many questions. I don’t know which one to answer first.
2
That’s my fault. Let’s take it one by one. You’re unsure if she’s forgiven you, right?
She forgave me. Although I worry she might change her mind, I have no reason to doubt her. Or rather, I’m afraid she’ll change her mind.
You’re afraid she’ll change her mind because you’re afraid of losing her as a friend?
Yes.
Why do you have no reason to doubt her?
Because she said to trust her, she won’t lie to me.
Has she ever lied to you?
Almost never, and even if she did, it wasn’t really a lie, just some things.
So you don’t trust her, afraid she might lie to you.
I don’t think she would lie to me on purpose.
You mentioned some things, what things? Did they make you not trust her?
Yes. She’s not always reliable. I worry she won’t follow through on what she says, like forgiving me.
Consistency is indeed a valuable trait.
I thought it was a basic human quality.
Tell me specifically, what did she fail to follow through on?
She promised to hang out, but when the time came, due to various reasons, it didn’t happen.
She broke her promise?
Not exactly, a lot happened in between.
The “various reasons” you mentioned, do you know what they are? Do you find them reasonable?
Reasonable, yes, but they were all her reasons. I’m wondering if she didn’t want to hang out with me and made up some excuses.
You suspect she lied to you.
Yes.
Didn’t she say she wouldn’t lie to you? You just said you believe she wouldn’t lie to you on purpose.
Ah, that’s true. To believe or not to believe, that is the question.
3
Your logic is contradictory. If you trust her, you shouldn’t doubt she lied to you. If you don’t trust her, then… don’t trust her, why be friends with her?
I’m just afraid she doesn’t want to hang out with me.
Why not ask her directly if she doesn’t want to hang out with you?
Her answer would definitely be “no”. I don’t need to ask.
You doubt her answer would be a lie.
It’s possible.
Why?
Because she almost never really hangs out with me. If I just ask, she would say nice things.
So you want her to hang out with you to prove her words are true. Otherwise, you feel insecure, right?
Insecure… I’m just unsure if I should trust her. I want to believe her and be friends with her, but I need some facts to prove her words are true, to make me able to trust her. It’s indeed a matter of security, I lack a sense of security.
From another perspective, why would she lie to you?
Maybe she has a habit of lying, or she tells white lies. White lies are still lies, I hate lies. Maybe she says nice things to avoid hurting me, but she doesn’t realize that this also hurts me.
Whether it’s a lie or not, her intention is good.
I wish she would be straightforward.
Does it make a difference?
A huge difference. If she says she doesn’t want to hang out with me, then I won’t think about it. If she makes up some reasons, I’ll still think about asking her out in the future.
You think she’s stringing you along?
Not exactly… I believe she’s not stringing me along, at least not intentionally.
You still believe her.
Her intentions are good.
Do you still doubt her?
No. If I don’t believe her words but trust her character, my logic is confused. I should trust her.
4
Back to the original question, what do you mean by “mental abuse”?
It’s my fault, I’ve done many bad things to her.
Care to elaborate?
Suddenly, I don’t want to say. I admit it’s my fault. I just hope for a chance to make up for my mistakes.
What about your “sadness”?
No need to mention it.
Are we ending this conversation too abruptly?
It’s enough already.
Appendix
#Message to a friend I had a falling out with#
I’ve recently come to understand some things. I know where I went wrong, but I won’t tell you because I’m afraid my understanding is incorrect, inadequate, or not deep enough. Because talk is cheap. I just hope for a chance to prove through my actions that I can do better than before.
Recently, I played the game “Nine Wondrous Streets”, and my characters were Hanno and Shakespeare. The story ended with a poem written by my character, which touched me deeply.
The poem is: “If you call, I will return.”
– 2022.04.21 (Sina Weibo)
Appendix
I recommend a book titled The Courage to Be Disliked: The Philosophy of Alfred Adler, by Ichiro Kishimi.
The content is very worthwhile, and it has inspired me greatly. It mainly uses “Adlerian psychology” (individual psychology) to explain many psychological issues. Among the dozens of emotional and psychology-related books I’ve read recently, I personally think this is the best one.